Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Dianne at Mandy - Ang Sikreto ni Mandy 06, "Malapitan"

Nakakahilo ang araw na ‘to. Meron pa akong bahagyang hangover, na bumalik nang mawala na ang sarap ng aking afterglow sa pangangantot. Mag-a-alas dos na, at bukas pa ang aking klase. Naisipan ko munang mag-kape sa mall at magpalamig.

Naglakad-lakad ako, hanggang makahanap ng isang matinong coffee shop. Umupo ako at umorder ng simpleng iced coffee.

Andaming bagay na tumatakbo sa isip ko; ang scholarship, ang aking thesis paper, ang nangyari sa pagitan namin ni Pammy, at ngayon naman, ang pagkakahuli sa amin ng kapatid ni Mandy. Bakit nga ba s’ya nagtago ‘dun? At ano ‘yun, nagfi-fingger s’ya habang nagkakantutan kami ng ate n’ya? Nalibugan s’yang makitang nakakantot ang sarili n’yang kapatid?

Weird, pero, sa hindi maipaliwanag na dahilan, ay nakiliti ako sa ideyang ito. Kungsabagay e ‘nung kinse anyos rin ako e alam ko kung ga’no rin ako kakati. Tumatak sa isip ko ang itsura ni Chrissy, gulat na gulat at nasa sakong ang panty. Natawa ako ng kaunti, ngunit medyo nalibugan rin. Mauubos ko na ang aking kape nang may tumapik sa aking balikat.

Isang babae, medyo maitim at cute na cute, ang nasa likuran ko. Pamilyar sa akin ang babaeng ‘to, pero hindi ko maisip kung saan ko s’ya nakilala. Medyo maliit s’ya, siguro’y hindi lalampas ng 5”1, 5”2, at medyo payat rin. Naalala kong sa Baguio ako madalas makakita ng ganitong klaseng mukha, mukhang morenang singkit.

“Hi po, sir.” Nahihiya n’yang bati.

“Uh, hi din.” Sagot ko, “uhm, sorry sobrang pamilyar ka pero hindi ko maisip kung pa’no tayo nagkakilala…”

Tumuro ang babae sa kanyang likuran. “Victoria’s Secret” na shop. Naalala ko biglang s’ya ‘yung saleslady na nagbenta ng lingerie kay Mandy ‘nang una kaming nagsiping.

“Uy, uh…Sally ba?” tumayo ako at inabot ang aking kamay. Humagikgik s’ya at tinanggap naman ang akin. “Sarah po, sir.” Sagot n’ya.

“Sarah, Sarah, sorry.” Paumanhin ko. “Ako si Max. Kumusta naman? Gusto mong mag-kape muna?”

“Ay, sir naku nakakahiya naman.” Nagtaas s’ya ng isang maliit na palad.

“Sure ka?”

“Ay opo sir. Actually, gusto ko lang po sanang itanong kung…’yun pong binili ‘nung girlfriend n’yo? Si miss Yu?”

“Hindi ko girlfr…uh…naalala mo pa ‘yun? Pati ‘yung apilyedo n’ya?”

“Yes sir kasi po ‘yung nanay ko nagtatrabaho sa Hopia factory nila.” Sagot ng saleslady.

“Ah ok. ‘Wag mo na akong i-sir naka-off ka naman yata sa trabaho. May hopia factory pala sila?”

“Ay hindi n’yo po alam? ‘HopYu Love me too Hopia and Cakes’ po ‘yung pangalan.”

“Hop…Yu…?”

Humagikgik ulit si Sarah. “Hihi. Lagi ko nga pong niloloko nanay ko tungkol ‘dun.”

“Wow.” Natawa rin ako. “So…ano nga uli ‘yung tanong mo?”

“Ay, ano po…gusto ko lang pong malaman kung…nag-work po ba? ‘Yung binili n’ya?”

“Nag-work?”

“Uhm…hihihi…nakakahiya naman uhm…sorry po naabala ko pa kayo masyadong personal ‘yung tanong ko…” nag-akma na s’yang aalis.

“Ahhhhh nag-work. Sa totoo lang hindi na n’ya kailangang mag-suot ng ganu’n para mag…uh…work sa akin.” Amin ko.

Tumango si Sarah. “Ah ok po. Kungsabagay may pagka-diyosa nga naman ‘yung girlfriend n’yo. Gusto ko lang kasi po sana malaman kung makakatulong s’ya sa ‘kin…” kinagat n’ya ang kanyang labi.

“Hm. Boyfriend issues ba?”

“Opo…ay naku masyado nang personal nakakahiya naman sa inyo…hihihi. Naabala ko pa kayo sa kape n’yo.”

“Ilang taon ka na ba?”

“Uhm…nineteen po.”

“Kaka-twenty ko lang kahapon kung kausapin mo ‘ko parang ang tanda ko na. Kung ‘di ka busy upo ka muna. Sa totoo lang naghahanap ako ng matinong kausap.”

Nagpaunlak si Sarah at umupo sa harapan ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ngunit parang magaan ang dugo ko sa kanya, at parang ganu’n din s’ya sa akin. Bagong salta lang pala s’yang Maynila mula sa Baguio, kaya’t wala pa s’ya halos kakilala at kaibigan. Bibisita next week ang kanyang boyfriend, kaya pala s’ya na-interesa sa pagsusuot ng mga lingerie, upang muling mabawi ang pagmamahal nito.

“Ano ka ba ang ganda-ganda mong babae tapos insecure ka sa sarili mo?” Biro ko.

“Ngek. Tingnan mo nga ‘yung girlfriend mo, si Ma’m Yu, wala man lang ako sa kalingkingan n’ya. Amputi-puti parang artista.” Sagot ni Sarah.

“Ano ka ba? Wala sa puti ‘yan. Kung maganda ka maganda ka, maski gaano pa ka-itim o kaputi ang kutis mo.”

Napangiti s’ya dito.  “Ehh. Magaling ka palang mambola, kaya pala napasagot mo si ma’m Yu.” Tinapik n’ya ang aking tuhod.

Masarap kausap si Sarah, parang matagal na kaming magkaibigan. Kinuwentuhan n’ya ako tungkol sa kanyang boyfriend, at knuwentuhan ko s’ya tungkol sa akin.

“…kaya ganu’n talagang mahal na mahal ko ‘yun si Dianne.” Tapos ko.

Kumunot ang kanyang noo. “Akala ko ba sir Mandy ‘yung pangalan ni miss Yu?” tanong n’ya.

“Oo nga.”

“E ‘di sino si Dianne?”

“Ay…uh…Mandy. Mandy pala.”

“Kayo sir, ha, madami yata kayong girlfriend, e, nagkakahalo-halo na tuloy.” Hagikgik n’ya. “Teka po, gumagabi na po kailangan ko nang umuwi.”

Tiningnan ko ang aking relo. Mag-aala sais na. Mga apat na oras na kaming nag-uusap, ni hindi ko man lang napansin. “Oh wow maga-gabi na nga.”

“Haha ok lang nga sana kaya lang mahirap na pong kumuha ng bus ‘pag alas-siyete na.”

“Hatid na kita.”

Sinubukan n’yang tumanggi, ngunit nakumbinsi ko ring sumama na. Hindi ganu’n kalayo sa apartment ko ang bahay nila.

“Sir salamat talaga ha? Nakakahiya naman sa inyo.” Muli n’yang paumanhin.

“Ayos lang ‘no? ‘Tsaka tama na nga ‘yang sir-sir na ‘yan hindi naman ako customer e.”

Humagikgik s’ya at sinimulan ko nang magmaneho. “E ano nang tawag ko sa’yo?”

“E ‘di Max lang. Gusto mo ng sounds?”

“Ok. Max. Haha. Teka actually kakabili ko lang nito.” Naglabas s’ya ng CD ng ‘UpDharmaDown’ at pinunit ang plastic na balot nito.

“Nice.” Apruba ko, at pinasok ang CD sa radio.

…Di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Puro s’ya na lang
Sana’y ako naman
‘Di mo lang alam
Ika’y minamasdan
Sana’y iyong mamalayang hindi mo lang pala alam…

Dahil sa trapik ay inabot kami ng mga trenta minutos papunta sa kanila. Nakatira sa isang maliit na bahay si Sarah. Hindi naman barong-barong, ngunit gawa sa hollowblocks na walang pintura. Nagpasalamat s’ya at bumaba. Papalayo na s’ya nang bigla s’yang tumalikod, at kinatok ang aking bintana.

“Anong number mo?” tanong n’ya. Binigay ko ito sa kanya. “Ayos.” Sinabit n’ya ang kanyang buhok sa kanyang kaliwang tenga at ngumiti muli. Lalo pang nadagdagan ang kanyang ka-kyutan. Tinawagan n’ya ako para makuha ko rin ang kanya. “Salamat sa  hatid, ha? Text mo lang ako kung tinatamad ka, tambay tayo.”

“Oo ba.” Masaya kong sagot. Muli n’yang tinapik ang bintana habang tinataas ko ito. Pumasok s’ya sa mababang gate na gawa sa kahoy, at nawala sa aking paningin.

‘Sakto lang na tumawag si Dianne.

“Babe?” sagot ko.

“Maximiano Moreno! Kaya pala ayaw mo kaming papasukin sa apartment mo ha! Nakakahiya ka!” sinigaw n’ya. Lumundag ang aking puso. Tang ina inabutan n’ya si Pammy sa bahay! Para akong pinagsukuban ng langit. “Nan’dito ako sa apartment mo at hrrrrrrr nakakadiri! Ano ba ‘tong ginawa mo?” patuloy n’ya.

“Shit. Babe, I can explain…”

“Anong explain-explain? Katanda-tanda mo nang tao hindi ka pa marunog maglinis ng apartment? Ang kalat!”

“Walang ibig sabihin sa’kin…huh?”

“May mga bote ng beer sa sahig, ang gulo ng kama mo! ‘Yung banyo may tubig kung saan-saan! Babe naman you have to take better care of yourself!”

“N-nakita mo ‘yung kalat? ‘Yung kalat lang?”

“Anong kalat lang? Kaya ka dina-daga, eh. Nasa’n ka ba?”

Nakahinga ako ng maluwag. Hindi ko maipaliwanag kung gaano kaluwag ang aking paghinga. Napatawa ako.

“Galing lang mall, baby. Uuwi na ‘ko d’yan.”

“Fine.” Narinig ko muli ang kanyang simangot sa telepono. “Pero bilisan mo ha? Sisimulan ko nang maglinis dito. Pag-uwi mo dapat ready kang paligayahin ako or else.”

Gusto ko ang tunog ng kanyang boses. “Opo ma’m.”

“Good. Bye.”

“Bye baby-girl.”

“Che, kalat-boy. Basta bilisan mo.” Binaba n’ya ang telepono.

Dumaan muna akong restaurant para dalhan ng pagkain si Dianne sa bahay. Ngunit mabagal ang serbisyo, kaya mag-aalas nuwebe na nang makauwi ako.

Malinis na ang buong bahay pagdating ko. Wala nang mga bote ng beer sa sahig at maduduming plato at baso sa lababo. Maayos na rin ang aking mga CDat libro, at mukhang bagong vacuum ang sahig. Nilapag ko ang pagkain sa mesa.

“Babe?” tawag ko.

Ngunit pag-akyat ko’y madilim na ang kwarto, bagamat nakita ko ang katawan ni Dianne sa mahinang ilaw mula sa bintana. Umupo ako sa kama, pinagmamasdan ang diyosa ko.

Nagising s’ya ng mapansing nakaupo ako sa tabi n’ya. Nag-inat at humikab.

“Hi baby.” Mahina n’yang bati, pinatong ang isang kamay sa aking hita.

“Hey. Sorry nagising kita.”

“Hindi, hinde, ok lang.” kinamot n’ya ang kanyang mga mata. “Anong oras na?”

“Nine. Gusto mong kumain? May food ako sa baba.”

“Mmmm hindi na. Bukas na lang.”

Hinalikan ko s’ya sa noo, at may maliit na ngiting sumulpot sa kanyang mga labi.

“Salamat sa paglinis, babe.”

Tinapik n’ya ang hita ko. “Ok lang. Pero dapat inaalagaan mo sarili mo ok?”

“Yes ma’m.”

“Mmmmm good boy” Ngiti n’ya, at tinaas ang kumot, “O ‘lika na tulog na tayo.”

“Hehehe…tulog lang?” lambing ko, hinahalikan ang kanyang leeg. Gumawa s’ya ng isang kontentong tunog.

“Babe…pagod ako…” halinghing n’ya.

“Ows?” Pinagapang ko ang aking kamay sa kanyang malambot na tiyan.

“Ehhh” pangiti n’yang reklamo, bagamat naramdaman kong tumaas ang kanyang balahibo sa pangungulit ko. Patuloy kong hinalik-halikan ang kanyang leeg, at napahagikgik s’ya sa kiliti. Unti-unti kong inakyat ang aking kanang kamay patungo sa kanyang malalambot na mga suso, at maingat na minasa ang malulusog n’yang dibdib. Wala talagang bra matulog si Dianne.

“Wow, lambot-lambot ni baby girl.” Tukso ko.

“Hihihihi ang init ng kamay mo…” tinaas ko ang kanyang t-shirt upang bumuyangyang ang kanyang mga hinaharap. Maski sa dilim ay nakita ko kung gaano kaganda ang korte ng mga ito, at matingkad sa dilim ang kanyang tayung-tayong mga utong. Sinupsop ko ang kanang dyoga ng morena.

“Aaay…hihihi…” gumapang ang kanyang kamay sa hita ng aking pantalon, at maliksing binuksan ang butones nito. Binaba n’ya ang zipper at pinasok ang kamay sa loob ng aking brief, hinimas-himas ang aking malambot pang manoy.

“Baby gusto mong chupa?” bulong n’ya, nang mapansing hindi pa gaanong tumitigas ang aking titi. Ngunit narinig ko rin ang kapaguran sa kanyang boses.

“Hindi na babe. Relax ka lang ako taya.” Ngising-kabayo ko. Binigyan ko ng isang mapaglarong kagat ang kanyang kaliwang utong (napa-ay ng maliit ang morena) bago ako pumosisyon sa pagitan ng kanyang mga makikinis na mga binti. Naka-shorts ng dilaw na spongebob squarepants si Dianne, ‘yung tipong mumurahing ginagamit lamang pambahay at pantulog. Na-kyutan naman ako, pero alam kong walang lugar ang shorts na ‘to para takpan ang kiki ni Di. Dahil maluwag ang mga butas nito’y madali kong nasilipan ang aking girlfriend. Para akong hayok na manyak na inamoy muna ang simoy sa loob. Amoy katas-babae. Napakabango.

Hindi na nag-panty ang aking girlfriend, at maski madilim ay nakita ko pa rin ang kanyang hiwa, nagsisimula nanamang manginang sa kabasaan. Hinipan ko ito at nanigas si Di.

“Hihihi…hoy anong ginagawa mo d’yaann?”

“Bango ng kiki mo babe.”

“Eeeehhh ano ba ‘yun?”

Hinila ko pababa ang shorts ng magandang morena. Tinulungan pa n’ya ako sa pagtaas ng kanyang puwit at pagtupi ng mga legs upang madalian akong hubuan s’ya. Sininghot ko ang kanyang shorts at pinalo n’ya ako sa binti.

“Yuccckk ano ba Maxie!” hagikgik n’ya. Tinapon ko ang shorts at pumosisyon na ng maayos. Ang ganda-ganda talaga ng puke ni Di, maski ilang beses ko nang natitira’y saradong-sarado pa rin. Pinadaanan ko ng mga kuko ang makinis at malambot n’yang mga legs, lalo na sa bahaging malapit sa kanyang singit. “Unnnnnhhhh…” napaliyad s’ya, at sumubok pa akong ipitin ng kanyang mga binti. Pinabalik-balik ko ang aking mga daliri, minsa’y diretso, minsa’y gumagawa ng maliliit na mga bilog sa sensetibong bahagi ng kanyang mga binti.

“Ohhhh baby…” halinghing n’ya, at s’ya mismo’y hinihimas-himas ang kanyang mga dyoga at tiyan. Matapos ng ilang minuto, nang maramdaman kong tumataas na ang temperature sa pagitan ng kanyang mga binti, ay naisip ko nang ibaling ang aking atensyon sa kanyang parausan.

Tumulak ako paharap. Pinatong ko ang kanyang mga binti sa aking balikat, at umekis ang kanyang mga paa sa likuran ko. Amoy na amoy ko na ang katas ni Dianne, humahalo sa malumanay na amoy ng sabong ginamit n’yang pampaligo. Muli kong hinipan-hipan ang kanyang kiki, nararamdaman ang paninigas sa kanyang mga pang humukay sa aking likuran.

“Baby kiss mo nahh…” mahina n’yang pakiusap, nakapikit at minamasa ang sariling suso.

“Kiss ko na pepe mo? Kiss ko na pepe ni Dianne?” udyok ko.

“Mmm-mm…dali na babe, ang kati na…”

Pinagbigyan ko ang kanyang hiling, at pi-neck ng mabilis ang malalambot n’yang labi sa ilalim. Nagmulat s’ya at tinaas ang ulo para tingnan ako. “Ngeeek babe ano ba ‘yun?”

“Sino munang puta?” tukso ko.

“Ako…ako na babe…puta na ako kainin mo na…”

“Ay, walang please?”

“Kainin mo na puke ko tangina!” biglang tumaas ang kanyang boses, at gamit ang kanyang malalambot na mga legs ay hinila ako upang sumubsob na mismo sa kanyang singit.

Hindi na ako nakatawa sa kanyang kahayukan, dahil napuno ng kiki ang aking bibig. Malambot, mainit, at mamasa-masang kepyas. Ubod ng sarap.

Nakipaglaplapan ako sa kanyang kepyas, tinatrato ito ng parang bibig n’ya mismo. Iniingatan ko munang ‘wag magalaw ang kanyang kuntil, dahil alam kong makakaraos kaagad ang morena, at gusto ko pa s’yang pahirapan ng kaunti, hehehe.

Dumukot ako paibaba para malamas rin ang kanyang malambot na puwit. Pinatigas ko ang aking dila at pinaghiwalay ang kanyang mga labi, upang lasapin ang maalat-alat at manamis-namis na lagusan ng morena.

“Babe…ni…ni-fuck mo pahh…oh yesss sarap…” halinghing ng morena, pikit na pikit at napakalalim na ng paghinga. Ako nama’y hindi magkaintindihan kung aling bahagi ng kanyang malambot na katawan ang momolestiyahin, ang puwit, tiyan, legs, o kung tutulungan ko ba s’yang masahin ang kanyang mga dyoga. Matagal-tagal ko ring dinutdot ng aking dila ang kanyang talaba, at hindi ko na kailangang lawayan ang kanyang pekpek, sapagkat nagsisimula nang magkalat ng katas ang kanyang pagkababae.

Tumulo na ang puting likido sa pagitan ng kanyang hiwa, na masaya ko namang nilasap. Dulot na rin ng aking matinding libog ay napakasarap na sa aking panlasa ng kanyang tamod-kike, ang mainit at manamis-namis/maalat-alat n’yang nectar.

Mga limang minuto kong nilalaplap ang kanyang kike ng s’ya na mismo ang gumawa ng paraan. Hinawakaan n’ya ako sa buhok at dinuldol ang aking mukha sa kanyang naglalawang kiki.

“Uhm…ayan…kainin mo…fuck…kainin mo puk-puke koh…gago ka manyakk…uhhmmm…shit ka baby….tang inahh fuckk subsob mo pahhh…ay shit ang sarahahahahapp…”

Naghahanap na ng karausan ang aking dyosa, at nagpaunlak naman ako.

Tinigil ko na ang pakikipaglaplapan sa kanyang mga labing-kiki, at sa halip ay buong-lakas kong sinipsip ang kanyang napag-iwanang kuntil.

Halatang hindi n’ya ‘to inasahan dahil biglang nanigas ang kanyang katawan.

“Ay puhhhtahhh! Hrrrr wow! Puhhtahhh oooh!” tili n’ya, habang walang awa kong sinupsop ang kanyang katiting na butones. Ginalaw-galaw ko rin ng aking dila ang dulo nito, na para bang gusto kong sumuso ng gatas mula dito. “tarantado ka Maxie ayan nahhh…ayan nahhhhhh!”

Nanigas ang buo n’yang katawan, at inipit ang aking mukha sa pagitan ng makikinis na mga binti. Kumisot-kisot ng kaunti ang kanyang pekpek, at may maliit na bugso ng katas na lumabas mula sa kanyang sinapupunan. Masaya ko itong ininom.

Muntik na akong mawalan ng malay nang bumitaw ang pagkakaipit n’ya sa aking leeg. Hingal na hingal na si Dianne, at umalis ako sa pagitan ng kanyang mga pinagpapawisang binti upang dumulas sa kanyang likuran. Nag-“spoon” muna kami, at pilyo ko pang inabot ang kanyang kiki ngunit piniglan n’ya ako. “Sensitive, babe…’wag muna please.” Pakiusap n’ya. Pinatong ko na lang ang kamay ko sa kanyang tiyan.

Inayos ko ang kanyang nakakalat na buhok, upang muling halik-halikan ang kanyang pinagpawisang leeg. May isang matiwasay na ngiti sa mukha ng morena.

“Sarap, baby boy.” Bulong n’ya.

“Ikaw ang masarap.” Ganti ko.

Humarap s’ya sa akin at siniil ako ng halik. “Mmmm sarap ko nga.” Hagikgik n’ya nang malasahan ang sariling katas sa aking bibig. “Ay pa’no ka babe, hindi ka nag-cum?” tanong n’ya ng matusok ng aking nanigas nang titi.

“Ok lang ako.”

“Sure ka ayaw mo ng chupa? Kaya ko pa naman.” Ani Dianne, ngunit humikab ng napakalaki. Halatang matindi na ang kanyang antok, lalo na ngayong kakaraos lang n’ya.

“Sure ako. Pagjajakulan na lang kita ok lang?”

“Oo naman.” Umikot s’ya papaharap. “O, ayan para kita mo ‘yung boobs ko ‘tsaka puke ko.”

‘Yun lang ang kailangan ko. Pinagjakulan ko ang kanyang katawan, habang matiwasay n’ya akong pinanood, nakangiti.”

“Tang ina ka Di laking dodo mo…” singhal ko.

“Hihihi…sige pa baby, kaya mo ‘yan…ang galing mong mag-jakol, Maxie…wow…gogo…e ‘yung puke ko, tingin mo sa puke ko babe? ‘yung puke kong kinakantot mo parati? Hihihihi…nasarapan ‘yan kanina babe…’yung puke kong masikip…ang sarap nilabasan s’ya…tapos boobs ko, o, ang lambot, lambot lambot ng boobs ko, babe…” inudyukan ako ng morenang pinagtitikulan ko.

Dahil sa pagpaparaos na lang rin ang gusto ko’y hindi ko na pinatagal pa. Nang mapanansin ni Dianne na malapit na ako ay inalay n’ya ang kanyang palad para sabuyan ko ng tamod.

“’yan…jakulin mo pa titi mo baby…tapos dito mo ilagay, ha? Sa palad ko ha? Dito mo ilagay tamod mo ok? Gogogo!”

Bilang masunuring boyfriend, sinirit ko ang aking kumukulong tamod sa kanyang naghihintay na palad.

“Unnnhhhh…”

Napuno ang kanyang palad ng malagkit na tamod. Nang matapos ang aking orgasmo ay pinisil pa n’ya ang aking manoy upang masigurong lumabas na lahat.

“Dami…baby…” obserba n’ya sa kanyang kinalatang kamay.

“Ipahid mo sa puke mo babe.” Mariin kong utos. Sumunuod naman ang dalaga. “Hihihi. Ok ka na babe? Solb na?” Masaya n’yang tanong, at muling nilapat ang malambot n’yang likod sa akin. Siniksik ko naman ang aking nanlalambot na manoy sa pagitan ng kanyang malalambot na mga piging-puwit.

“Solb naman parati, babe.” Sagot ko. “Ay, oo nga pala, ok lang ba sila Mandy?”

Matagal na hindi sumagot ang morenang diyosa, at akala ko’y nakatulog na s’ya. Ngunit sa huli’y bumulong rin s’ya.

“Ok lang. Bukas na natin pag-usapan. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

[Via http://maxiemoreno.wordpress.com]

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Is that Pro Wrestling or the Healthcare Reform debate?

Today’s Weather. Sunny and Windy. Current temp 48 degrees.
We still have snow in the shaded areas of the yard.
60 Miles east of here, 9 inches of snow.
Supposed to be back up to 75 by Tuesday.
Wife is up North retrieving the Kid.
Cats and I enjoying last few hours of quiet before the kid returns.
College Basketball Tourney on TV but I cannot pull myself away from watching our Lawmakers go at it on CNN. It’s like watching a roomful of Kindergartners, hopped up on too much sugar, all screaming and crying and yanking each others hair out. I’m putting on my hard hat, just in case, because the House GOP Leadership has even me convinced that the actual sky WILL fall if Health Reform passes.
The cats are sitting around the table playing cards.
Have you read some of the alledged text messages that Tiger Woods sent one his “ladies”? That dude is into some freaky you know what……
I called our Insurance Carrier the other day to get authorization for a family member to get some counseling. The person on the phone wanted to know what the “problem” was. I figured that info was private and did not need to be divulged to some temp working in a call center in Mumbai. The person persisted on knowing the reason for counseling. Seeing that I was beat, I told the person that the family member thinks that he/she (the family member) is a Penguin. I got a quick approval for 50 visits.

Dad? Daaaaaaadddd???? Sorry….got distracted by my favorite new E-Trade commercial…

I got a major stomach ache at the moment. Maybe Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich and Barbecue Potato Chips were not a good match after all.
The kid just called from the car on his way home. He called to brag that he is still 2 games ahead of me on our NCAA Bracket contest. (Damn you Kansas!)
This post is sponsored by Sex Panther Cologne. It is made with real bits of Panther so you know it is good.
The kid is now home and pulled up our brackets. We are now tied. I can start to take my head out of the oven now….
Thanks to Tiger Woods, I will never again hear a Weatherman utter the word “Showers” without getting totally disgusted.
In the local crime blotter:

400 block of Country Living Drive – A man’s dog told him that someone poured hot grease on its back.
(That’s a talented dog! Did he give a full statement or just bark out a vague description of the suspect?)

200 block of Rook Ramsey Drive – A man reported that his mother-in-law harasses him via Facebook messages.

(Someone teach this idiot how to “Unfriend” someone from Facebook! Obviously the man is too stupid to be allowed to use a computer!)

600 block of U.S. 81/287 North – Someone wrapped a logging chain around a bill changer at a laundromat in an attempt to steal the machine. An employee observed the attempted theft and the suspect fled the scene.

(Criminals in the big city tie chains around ATM machines in the middle of the night and try to steal them. Here in Hooterville, our criminals go after Laundromat Bill Changing machines….in broad daylight…..with employees present…)

Two new prisoners arrive at the State Pen to start serving their life sentences. A longtime inmate asks the two newcomers what crimes they had been convicted of…

Convict #1 – “I killed a family of Five, their two dogs, their parakeet, and tortured their pet turtle with a rusty fork”

Convict #2 – “I stole $16 from a Laundromat Bill Changing machine after ripping it from the wall with a logging chain”

[Via http://redriverpak.wordpress.com]

24 Hours from Ulcer

The train standing at platform 4 is shite

Word has it that the next series of 24 will be filmed in London. Apparently it opens with Jack Bauer boarding a DLR train at Lewisham, heading for the Olympic Stadium. 24 hours later he’s still on it. Jack get’s into a heated argument with a Train Captain (ticket collector, to you and me) over which Zone Stratford is in, and has a difference of opinion with a fat bird who wants the window open. In episode 4 he gets a tad miffed with the bloke sitting next to him who’s iPod is blaring our through his earphones. Ok, it may not be most exciting of series of the popular show, but it’ll be the most realistic. I spent a week on the DLR last Tuesday, at least that’s what it felt like. It has to be the most useless mode of transport, even by London standards. How the fuck they expect to ferry the poor sods who turn up to the 2012 Olympics is beyond me. The sight of Jack Bauer whizzing along at 2 miles an hour, his plans going awry cos there’s no lift service at Pudding Mill Lane is unlikely to give a boost to the ratings.

I say all this, but I’ve never seen a single episode of 24. Neither, come to think of it, have I ever watched Lost or Prison Break, or MadMen, or Heroes or CSI…oh I could go on.Twin Peaks, Hill Street Blues, or Spooks or Thirty Something or Curb Your Enthusiasm. I have tended not to tie myself into any of these long series as I’ve never been confident I’ll be sitting in front of the TV at the same time every week to watch the next episode. There are places which serve beer which tend to be open when these shows are aired and they tend to jump out on me on the way home from work.

I have resisted the temptation to tape them as I’ve never enjoyed the pressure that puts you under. Falling behind for a one or two episodes then trying to watch them the night before the next one is shown on TV is stressful, and all the time your colleagues in the office have water cooler chats about the fantastic ending to last night’s show. Trying to go a whole day or two without hearing what happened in the episode(s) you’ve missed: Now that’s real pressure. (Anyone remember The Likely Lads “England F… ” episode?)

Don't nod off, Stanley, CSI is on in a minute

Pre-digi days there’d be piles of VHS videos under the telly with stuff I’d recorded but never gotten round to watching. Piles of 4-hour tapes (8 hours worth of longplay, if you like the quality of playback to simulate watching tv through a sock) with badly scribbled then crossed out labels, reading LIVE AID, DO NOT ERASE (that one was stolen from out of my car in a pub car park), or HOW THE WEST WAS WON (LP) . Or unlikely combinations of viewing as you filled up any blank tape space you had: ZULU/ENGLAND vrs FRANCE W.CUP SEMI F/O.G.WHITSLE TEST/TUC CONF. 1989. There they’d sit, with their tatty white stickers, clogging up the tv cabinet or the bookshelves, never likely to be removed from the shelf until I needed to tape over them again (always remembering to put some sellotape over that clip in the corner I’d broken off to protect them.)

Not much has changed now that I’ve gone all hi-tech and TiVo-fied. I’ve got 30 hours of stuff to watch stored on my TV’s hard drive, plus the whole of the last series of In The Thick of It, (which is the exception that proves my rule as I did make it home to watch all of those.). 30 hours worth! That’s 14 movies. I’ll never get round to watching them, cos every day something else is released so I go onto Amazon and buy that, then something else is shown on TV one night which I’ll record , never watch that either and the backlog just gets longer and longer.

Did I remember to Videoplus the snooker?

But having said all that I find myself believing, and saying “I have nothing to watch”. How come? Well, a couple of years ago the Incumbent, bless her, bought me (us) the box set of The West Wing. We devoured it, were obsessed. We lived The West Wing, we breathed The West Wing, we ate West Wing sandwiches. We quite liked it. What’s more, we could watch it at our own pace. One a week. One a month. Eight in a day. As many we wanted to watch WHENEVER we wanted to watch them. Being a good few years since the show ended on TV, there were no colleagues in the office discussing last night’s episode. It was sensational telly and we didn’t want it to end. Then it did. Bugger.

So what to watch now ? I had this collection of films I’d taped and had never watched, but I couldn’t be arsed to see them now. There was this show which everyone was talking about called The Wire. “Oh I can’t believe you don’t watch it, Mike” they would say. “You’d really like it Mike”.
“Listen” said I, ” I’ll tell YOU what I like and what I don’t, thankyouverymuch”. I dug my heels in, I refused to join their gang. Two months after the last episode of the last series finished, we bought the box set of the whole 5 seasons.

I'll tell you something, bro, I haven't understood a fucking thing you've said in 3 seasons

Fuck me. What a show. It was and is the best thing ever to be made for telly. Sensational. All-day-long sessions watching Avon Barksdale, Stringer Bell, Omar Little and the rest were completely compelling. I just wanted there to be another 5 seasons. But there wasn’t. So, after that had finished I conned Mrs B into watching Band of Brothers with me (I’d seen it before, but I could watch in on a loop), telling her it wasn’t about war but about people. To my surprise she now thinks THAT’S the best show ever made. I’ll never work em out. Finally, this January we started on the Sopranos box set. That’s a bloody good watch too, and another that no-one can believe I’d never seen before. Oh well, I have now, alright? so shuddup!

Now there’s a vacuum, a void in my viewing schedule. The Pacific (Band of Brothers with palm trees) is launched on Sky Movies soon. I won’t be watching, for all the reason’s stated above (and I don’t have Sky Movies). I shall pre-order the whole set from Amazon and try to survive til then. But I will need something to get my teeth into while I wait. It’ll probably be MadMen, it won’t be Lost. Maybe Kiefer Sutherland armed only with an Oystercard, stuck on a train at Deptford Bridge is my only option. Unless I watch The Wire again. Or Phoenix Nights. Or World at War, or…

Return to Stratford, please

[Via http://sharpsingle.com]

Saturday, March 20, 2010

SEX IS GOOD FOR HEALTH

If you thought the only benefit of sex was, well, pleasure, here’s some news for you. Making love is good for adults. And making love regularly is even better! Not only does it help you sleep well, relieve stress and burn calories, there are several other reasons why you need to have sex more often.

A recent study says that men who have sex more than twice a week, had a lesser risk of getting a heart attack than men who had sex less than once a month.

Boosts Immunity : Regular love making increases the body’s level of the immune-boosting antibody immunoglobulin A (IgA), which will make your body stronger against illnesses like the common cold and fever.

Promotes Longevity : When one has an orgasm, a hormone called Dehydroepiandrosterone is released, which improves your immunity and repairs tissue and keeps the skin healthy. Men who have at least two orgasms a week, live longer than men who have sex just once every few weeks.

Because your heart rate increases, fresh blood is supplied to your organs and cells. While used blood is removed, you also discard things from your body that cause you to feel tired.

Notice that just after you make love, the sleep you get thereafter is much more relaxed. Getting a good night’s sleep will make you feel alert and healthy overall.

INCREASES YOUR LEVELS OF ESTROGEN AND TESTOSTERONE  : In men, testosterone is what makes you more passionate in the sack. Not only will it make you feel way better in bed, but it is also known to improve your muscles and keep your heart healthy and a check on your cholesterol. Estrogen in women protects against heart disease and also determines their body scent.

[Via http://myblogpage.wordpress.com]

XXX Trailer HOLLYWOOD MOVIE ....Pirates 2 Stagnetti's Revenge

XXX Trailer HOLLYWOOD MOVIE ….Pirates 2 Stagnetti’s Revenge
Directed by the internationally awarded and highly acclaimed writer/director Joone, Pirates II is the thrilling, erotic sequel to Digital Playgrounds 2005 blockbuster hit, Pirates. Combining intense performances with wildly passionate sex, ten times the budget, and over 600 special effects, Pirates II: Stagnettis Revenge is the most expensive and comprehensive adult film in history! Joone was so dedicated to the films legitimacy that he built a full-scale ship to shoot on.

Superstar, Jesse Jane returns as the sexy, swashbuckler Jules—pirate hunter and seducer, leading an all star cast that includes Digital Playground contract girls Shay Jordan, Katsuni, Stoya, Gabriella Fox, and Riley Steele, alongside industry favorites BellaDonna, Sasha Grey, and Jenna Haze. Ready with swords drawn high, Evan Stone, Tommy Gunn, and Stephen St. Croix reprise their groundbreaking roles from the original.

[Via http://latestvideoclips.wordpress.com]

Thursday, March 18, 2010

The Essential Investment

I’ve learned a lot about being a parent from my children.  I’ve learned a lot about myself through parenting.  I can’t say I’m perfect but I feel like I’ve got some ideas.  If there’s one thing I’ve learned about marriage in the decade or so of being a parent is that the investment in your relationship with your spouse needs to continue.  You are, after all, the reason that those kids came to be in your lives.

I’ve often heard co-workers discuss growing apart from their spouse but they are quick to defend their “all-day tailgates” at football games with the boys or their “girls’ night out” with the ladies.  Those are important too but I would offer then that those are either distractions or escapes from your relationship.

When the wife and I reconciled, one of the issues on the table was “what are we going to do about ‘us’?”.   We had rarely been out alone since children.  We didn’t do the things we used to like to do.  Granted, there’s a time and a place in life for all of that.  Our kids were older at that point and they didn’t need us to the point where we couldn’t have someone watch them for two hours to go out to a quiet and intimate dinner.   When we got back together, that was  a promise.  We’ve been good about it at times and horrible about it at other times but the point is that we see the importance of “dating” and not allowing our lives to be consumed by the rut of being the “kids’ sports taxi”.

God bless those kids.  I love them with all my heart but when they leave home at some point,  I want to still know that woman across the table from me.  I don’t want to have to reach back into my memory banks to pull out the last time we went to a movie and chatted about it afterwards over a piece of pie.

It’s a valuable lesson my friends.  It takes work but it’s worth it.  Tonight, the wife and I have an overnight away thanks to a charity auction that we won.  Those overnights are too rare but they’re always fun, always hot and always bring a smile to our faces come the next time we see our kids.

[Via http://psychofme.wordpress.com]

Why do I put up with it?

No longer am I torn between emotions…now I am flooded by them and none of them are good.  It is 2:50 in the damn morning and I am up writing in this stupid thing because I can not calm down.  I am angry, and insulted, and frustrated, disappointed, let down, and really really hurt.  So hurt that I do not even wan to have sex, i’d rather take care of it myself.  What does that say about our relationship?  when all the perfect words end up meaning nothing because they are not followed up by actions, making them hard to believe.  It has been a whole god damn week…not a particularly busy week do there is no excuses to be made…..he just didn’t have sex with me….period.  Did he have time for other things, of course he did, but pleasing me did not fit into his schedule.  And the fact that he is ok with that hurts the most.  He says he understands but no he doesn’t.  If he did then this would not happen.  Especially off and on for aver a year.  He does not understand and obviously I can’t get him to understand so I guess I take care of myself in whatever means necessary.  I can’t go sexually unsatisfied for a week just because he feels like it.  I have brought it up many times, asked for it, the whole 9 yarsd….and nothing.  So to me that implies it is not important enough to him to satisfy me or even try to understand what kind of hell he is putting me through.  And you want me to start planning our wedding?  With this to look forward to?  Why would I do that to myself?  If it is this bad now what in the world would make me think it is going to be any better a few years down the road when we have kids (have to have sex to have kids) and he is working….i will be lost in the shuffle even more and never be satisfied.  This is actually making me so angry that I even have to worry about something like this at 30 yrs old when I am attractive. I am missing sleep over something I should not have to.  I am crying over something I should not have to.  And I keep questions why do I keep putting up with it?  ALl the promises and the sweet words in the world aren’t going to change what I’m in right now and that is a sexless relationship….one of the deal breakers.  The one I never thought i would have to deal with my fiancée.  All his excuses are out the window this week….this week is pure choice….and he didn’t made his and destroyed me a little more in the process.  I need to just to go to work and get away from all of this , not deal with it for a few hours….but when i return home it will be right here continuing to hurt me and piss me off.  I am really trying to calm myself down so i can get some sleep, i am infuriated that he would put me through this  again and again and again….and even more infuriated that I go along with it.  I am afraid to type anymore for fear of what I might say….but i am crushed that i am losing interest sexually in my own fiancée who i find sexy and love b/c I can’t take anymore disappointment and hits to my self-esteem.  I do not see things like everyone else and this has been explained to him many many times and i have tried to do my best to get him to understand.  him doing this to me is interpreted as rejection…..I dont ddo well with rejection. I can’t take this constant rejection and my therapist tried to explain it to him…tried to explain that he need to make conscious decisions to make me happy, guess this is the one he made.    Either that or all the stuff I have been trying to educate him on about my disorder just went away.  Probably shouldnt have wasted the money on the book I bought him to help him deal with living with someone with BPD.  I need to buy me a book for living with someone who makes you feel unwanted and ugly and tells you things but doesn’t follow through.  Do they have a book like that?  See i am getting angry and going to say something bad ao I am going now.  God I wish it was time for work.

[Via http://whymebpd.wordpress.com]