Is it in your mind, or is it in your body?
Which comes first: desire, or arousal?
As usual, the New York Times has given me something to think about.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/29/magazine/29sex-t.html?_r=1&em
This time, it’s sex.
I get the feeling I’m unusual. With three kids under six, I count sex as the high point in my day, most days.
Like many people, I get them all to bed and crawl wearily into mine. It feels like it’s midnight but it’s only 8:30. Or 9:10. I barely have the energy to reach the remote, and can easily fall asleep within a few minutes once it’s on. TV is my tenuous connection with the world of adults, these days.
Yet somehow, when my guy crawls in beside me, my happy place wages an epic battle with my tired place. If he was to ask, I’d say no, for sure. But I don’t say anything at all.
It seems impossible, to travel from so far away to that magical place, but if I don’t say no, my body overrides my brain and, well, ‘whoop, there it is.’
If I’m reading Lori Brotto right, the trick is to not get bogged down in even repeated evenings of feeling non-sexual. Not to listen to your head whatsoever.
Instead, tell your mind you’re a powerful, sexual being, and pay attention to all the signs of your body and your pleasure that reinforce that idea.
Awareness, and optimism. Works for lots of things in life. And this one too.
So I vote for arousal first, then desire.
It’s in my body, not my mind.
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