So I went out with this guy a couple of times within the last week. I dont have a name for him, nor do I want to create one, since I’d rather push it out of my mind. Maybe I am a bitch. Maybe I just dont have that emotional connection with guys lately, but whatever the reason, I am getting fucktards. So here is how it went down.
Met on okc, attractive, tall, built-I mean can you say 8-pack?-This guy could seriously bench me, which is what I really only wanted. I told him I was seeing someone else on second date and not interested in anything serious, but not opposed to it if it happens. We had good chats, but nothing too intense or over done, at least in my book. I think he is street smart, but not intellectually smart. Anyway, incessant texts, emails, he shows up late one night for a little smooching, then goes home just as quickly. Ok. I see the game. But I didnt really.
Went over his place last night after work and we started drinking, as we do. We get on the convo about attractiveness and he hands me a pic of his entire family and asks me about his cousin. I say, eh, I dont find him hot, he isnt my type. Guy gets weird and says I insulted his family. Huh? Ok, next convo, things settle, he apologizes once he sees his error, thing start getting heavy. Sex happens, its ok, more like a jack hammer, nothing quiet great, he goes limp. Not once, but twice. Maybe its time to sleep it off? hmmm….
Next morning, same thing. No go, I spent a good time down there trying to work it out, but he wasnt getting it up. WTF! Argh…I just wanna get it going. Then I notice some huge ass zits on his back, think that this meathead is taking steroids, maybe thats why he cant get it up and has small balls. I try to talk about it with him, he says nerves. Ok, fine. I already committed to spending the day with him and while we are chatting and drinking coffee, I’m like, this guy is such a bro. I cant do this, I cant date someone who is thick-headed, even if he is hot. Then he calls me on it when I was leaving, saying to not let it bug me about the sex, and that it was the first time. I don’t know what to say, but I am anything but obvious generally.
I return home, disappointed, call T4.0. Ahhh…..now thats nice. And before I go to work, I get this email:
Meathead: Listen. I need to write you this email. I need to do this for myself, and I can’t figure out how to do this any other way. This past week was most definitely the worst case of emotional instability that my brain has gone through since I can remember. I’ve never been so excited and so depressed about the same thing in such a short amount of time. This is not me. This is not how I behave or feel on a day-to-day basis. I don’t get excited or depressed about women like this. It’s really pissing me off, and I’m trying to figure out how to stop it.
Well, after smoking two absolutely delicious cigarettes, I concluded that I need to just confess everything to get this all out of my head. Here it is: I really did want something serious out of this. I was telling you that we should just take it wherever it goes, but I think subconsciously, I really wanted something along the lines of a relationship. I met someone who is infinitely open-minded, incredibly intelligent, and intensely sexy and cute at the same time, and I thought — holy shit, this is the perfect woman! Then we had this connection on the next few dates, and everything went out of control after that. I had this burning desire to be with you all of the time. And I wanted you to want me more than anything.
So because of this, I put all this pressure on myself to do whatever it takes to get you to like me more. And that’s where things just went to shit. It’s like, the harder I try to impress someone, the worse of a person I become. The past 24 hours was an obvious example of this. Everything just went wrong from the get go. I watch you get a little bit tipsy … I start drinking heavier to get on your page … conversation goes to shit … I completely misunderstand you and throw a fucking tantrum … you almost leave. Then when got to the point of ripping each others clothes off, now all I’m doing is trying to impress you in the bedroom. Combine those nerves and the alcohol, and we have this pretty bad experience. I think the blunder the next morning pretty much sealed the deal – after that, any connection we had over the past few days just completely vanished. Our last talk
over coffee was certainly not as emotionally stimulating as the talk we had at Dunlays. And now, I’m pretty convinced that I won’t hear from you again.
So what I’m saying is this: I can’t be myself around you when there is pressure of dating and the expectations that go with it. I want to be able to be myself around you — and I really, really want to get to know you more, and spend more time together. So I think the only way this could possibly happen is if we call it friends. However, since we both made it clear that we are both very physically attracted to each other, I would absolutely never be opposed to kissing you or getting naked again. You’re so GD cute sometimes, I find it impossible to not kiss you, so that would probably still happen. I just want to say out loud, that we should just forget about the idea of you and I ever getting in a serious relationship for now, because I
obviously can’t deal with the pressure of you evaluating me as a potential boyfriend. In other words, let’s remove the “boyfriend
material” label.
Now if you are telling me that this is your definition of dating, then fine, that’s how you can look at it. If you don’t like the idea of
“friends with benefits”, then we don’t need to do the benefits. Whatever it is, I don’t want to put a label on this — I just really
want to get to know you as a friend.
I really want to know what you think about this, so please send me some sort of reply. If you just read it, and let me know “I read your email, and I’m thinking it over — then that would be good enough for now. I hope work goes well, and I hope to talk to you again soon…
My response:
My sentiments exactly. Sounds like a good plan to me, and that’s all I ever really wanted anyway. You know I am sleeping and seeing some one else anyway, and that person has primacy in my life and will until that relationship ends, which I don’t forsee happening anytime soon.
So friends it is, but I don’t know about the benefit part. We’ll see what happens.
SOOOO, maybe I was a little harsh here, but it was like he gave me a backhand compliment. Yes, you are hot, but it’s not working out for me bc YOU have all these expectations for me (when I never really did). In the end, he saved me the head ache of sending him an email saying it isnt working for me. Weird.
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