“My vagina is like Disneyland, pretty much anyone can go. But my mouth is like a Buddhist temple, only the specials ones go there.”
This is the kind of shit that comes out of my mouth when I’m sitting at a shitty old man bar with Jamie while her bartending cousin cracks open tiny bottle after tiny bottle of Sutter Homes white wine and pours them into pint glasses for us.
But it’s true.
For some girls, a blow job is like a handshake. I don’t understand those girls. Perhaps my vagina is less sacred only because it is not near my face. Or perhaps I like dick there because I don’t have a clitoris in my mouth and I’m a selfish bitch who doesn’t care about your pleasure.
I have never sucked a dick that I have not slept with first. Okay….maybe in high school there was one but other than that, nope. I have to REALLY like you to put your dick in my mouth…hence the Dick In Mouth test being so important. (Yes I realize this is the 87th blog in a row where that test gets mentioned but god dammit it’s really important!)
I don’t understand girls who hand out blow jobs like buttons at a campaign rally. Is it low self esteem? A genuine love of sucking cock? Do y’all really find it less intimate than sex?
There is something so fucking intense about giving someone head. I can’t figure out why one would do it without being SUPER into the dude. And he needs to be SUPER into you otherwise he doesn’t deserve that shit.
To sum it up:
If you’re thinking is opposite mine, please enlighten me as to why your mouth is Disneyland.
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