“If I had to choose between getting off once with a guy or being by myself and getting off as many times as I want, I would rather be by myself,” I recently told one of my girlfriends.
I was reminded again last week of the fact that quite a few men don’t understand multiples. As in, orgasms. This fascinates me on some levels, and disappoints me on others. When I want to cum more, I want to cum (a lot) more!
I talked last night with a friend who has also been blessed with the gift of multiple orgasms. We started to speculate as to a guy’s perspective on the matter:
Is he intimidated by multiple orgasms because he doesn’t understand them?
Do they confuse him because he can’t relate from personal experience? (Men typically cum once and then need a recovery period before they can even attempt to try again.)
Is he in awe of multiples? Like there’s a unicorn in the bed? I’ve noticed that response from two younger guys that I briefly dated. They just looked at me with their eyes and mouths wide open in awe of what they had just witnessed. Then, they brought up how it must be because I’m in my sexual prime in my 30s. (No, it’s not. I could orgasm like this in my 20s.) I didn’t last long with either of those guys, but at least they didn’t shy away from the pussy and kept at it like I was a Whack-A-Mole game at Chuck E Cheese.
When I say that Lawyer Boy was the best lover that I have ever been with, a large part of that was that he made sure that I always got off as much as I wanted. He had a sixth sense when it came to my pussy, I guess. Every other guy in my life – and yes, I’ve been with my share of men – has left me hanging at one point or another. And, some guys have left me hanging every time we were together. That’s just not right. Not right at all!
Research from the Kinsey Institute found that approximately 15% of women can have multiple orgasms. So, if you are with a woman who falls in that very fortunate category, what should you do?
Communicate beforehand. The new guy knows that I like to get off a lot and that I can have multiples. But, I don’t know if he knows what that means from a hands-on perspective. Maybe he thinks that I can only get multiples from vaginal or anal sex? (Not the case.) Maybe he thought that was something I only enjoy when I’m alone? (Multiples are perfect anytime!)
If a guy asks me, “Did you orgasm?” The answer is almost always, “Yes.” But, for me, that’s not the right question!
These are the right questions:
“How many times?”
“Are you done?”
If I don’t get up, I’m not. If I go to grab a toy, I’m not. If I say, “no,” I’m not! I just don’t get how any of that is confusing!
As a girl, if you are exploring your ability to achieve multiples, I recommend doing that on your own first. Once you’ve mastered the art, then you can better replicate it with a guy in the room.
For a guy, if you care about the girl you are sleeping with (as I hope you would), then talk to her in advance. If you don’t feel comfortable broaching the subject with her before you have sex, then look…listen…and feel when you are in bed with her.
After she has her first orgasm, what does she do? If she reaches for water, gets up to go to the bathroom, moves her body (whole body, not just that region), goes to please you or kiss you, then she is probably done. If she stays in exactly the same position, starts to touch herself or is moving her pussy in front of you, then she is probably not finished.
At that point, it’s okay to ask if she wants more. Or, just try to touch her again and see her response. Ladies, please let your men know what you like and what you don’t. If you are satisfied, say so. If you aren’t, then find a tactful way to switch positions, ask for more attention, suggest trying a toy, or whatever would make you happy.
What if you are having vaginal sex and your woman can only achieve multiples with you inside her? That’s a tough one. When the female cums, it’s only natural that the guy wants to do the same, right? So, guys, you have a choice:
1. Either you need to channel your thoughts so that you do not cum until she is good and ready and on her last orgasm (that will require self-control from you and communication with her); or
2. You need to have a toy ready and feel alert and comfortable enough to put that toy inside her after you pull out. (That requires a different kind of self-control since the hormone levels of a man after he cums make him sleepy.)
Whatever option you choose, the goal here is for everyone to have a good time. “One and done” might work for you, but does it work for your partner? I can’t answer that, but I hope that you can!
How have you dealt with multiples? Comment, tweet, text or e-mail . Oh, and if you comment, you don’t need to use your real name or e-mail, if you don’t feel comfortable doing so. The spam filters are good, but anything that seems real will get through.
Next Post: Threesomes or my date with Philly Matt (depends on my mood). xoxo
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